Thursday, May 19, 2011

4 Years ago...

I cannot believe it will be 4 years this year that Matt and I have been married, and 4 years that my father has been gone.  2007 was the most excited year, yet it was the worst.  I still remember the day that my mother and my brother came to my apartment to tell me my father had passed away.  It was a saturday and I had just got off work and Matt and I were suppose to be going out to get our colored m&m's for our wedding favors.  Matt said that my mom was going to come over and when she got there I knew something was wrong because my brother was with her and he lived in Austin and was not suppose to be in town.  At first I thought my grandma or grandpa had passed away but to my surprise it was my father.  I remember crying and freaking out, why was this happening??? Right before my wedding and the week before my bridal shower.  Why was he gone?? Why now??  I do not want to get too into depth but he unfortunately decided to take his own life.  WOW!! That was the hardest thing to deal with and understand.  Lots of things happened through out the years and I guess he could not take it anymore.  How could he be so selfish to make everyone suffer and wonder??  We will never know which to this day still upsets me...Brayden does not get to know his PaPa, all he gets to see are pictures and hear the stories.  He already knows his picture and can say PaPa, he then says "Papa bye bye".  It breaks my heart.  My dad and I were not close when he passed which also made it harder.  He had moved out of state and things happened through out the years that strained our relationship but he was still my dad.  As the years go by it gets a little easier but deep down it is still there and it still happened.  I just cannot believe it has been 4 years.

On a good note I have been married to Matt for 4 years on June 2 and it has been wonderful.  We have our ups and downs, and our bumps but we always manage and that is how life is.  We grow every day and learn more and more about each other.  Since having Brayden our love has grown stronger.  He is my best friend!! Love you Matt!!
Our wedding June 2, 2007

30 weeks Pregnant with Brayden

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